Back in the 90’s, I remember being on the phone with my childhood friend all the time. I sat right next to our corded phone for hours, chatting away with no worries in life. Wireless home phones were the best, I could sit at the couch and chatter away.
Today, I sit in front of my computer at home, watching tv, surfing the internet, texting my friends and occasionally flipping through tinder and instagram. For the past few hours, none of my friends have text me. How do people do it? How do people who live by themselves, who have no partners stay sociable, engaged…and most importantly, not feeling alone, emptiness, and loneliness? I occasionally have the fears, maybe it’s FOMO (fear of missing out), or just feeling afraid to be single for the rest of my life? Whatever that feeling is, I don’t like it. The really odd part is, I am no stranger to solitude. I often enjoy my nights alone, I eat dinner alone at the bar sometimes or even nab a drink and just people watch. Today feels different, today I feel alone.
After being rejected by my friend/coworker. The feeling of missing and wanting something you can’t have, drives you nuts. Just pondering about what the other person may be doing without you, drives you nuts. Do they even think about me? Am I the only person thinking about us? All these questions, so much unknown, drives you nuts. Staying connected to someone is probably the most important feeling I yearn for, it could be a friend, it could be my family, or it could be a partner. Sometimes I could use a companion who will let me be who I am, but company me through nights like this, we don’t even have to converse, just knowing that someone is with me, is all I need.
Technology has really shaped our society and social behaviors. I don’t remember being so distant to my friends in the 90’s, when we had to talk about something, we would call each other on the phone. Sending a text message and waiting for a reply is how we do it now a days. Is this a gift or is this curse? I haven’t sided.
All I know, is that my phone is silent tonight, so is my heart. It’s time to sleep and hope that I am rewarded with family, friends, and loved ones tomorrow.